


Where Were You?

by Ncredible



Series: She's Gone [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Fighting, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Post Season 4 Finale, mentions lexa briefly, told in Abby's POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 12:18:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12770916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ncredible/pseuds/Ncredible
Summary: Abby asks Clarke how she survived and how she met Madi.





	Where Were You?

**Author's Note:**

> I really can't wait for season 5 because I am curious to see how Clarke changes once she becomes a mother.

I lean against the door jam and just watch Clarke watching over Madi as she sleeps. It’s such a motherly thing to do and it’s hard to process with the idea that Clarke has become a mother figure to a twelve-year girl. When I left to get rations for Clarke, Madi and myself to eat; Madi was still up and happily chatting about possibly meeting Bellamy, Raven and Octavia. The way Madi talks about all of them she is in awe of all them. She sees Clarke as the hero Clarke saw Jake and I when she was little. I put the rations on the table next to the door quietly not wanting to disturb Clarke or wake Madi up. The rations aren’t much, but Marcus gave up his so that 

Clarke and Madi could eat something tonight. 

"I know you're there, Mom," Clarke says quietly looking over her shoulder at me. 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to wake her.” I say nodding towards Madi. I grab a chair and sit down next to Clarke. 

“Yea, she had a long day. Between what happened this morning and meeting everyone, she was pretty tired,” Clarke laughs.

"Why can't you and Madi stay longer, Clarke?" I ask again for the hundredth time since Indra and Marcus left. 

Clarke turns and looks at me and takes in the meager rations left on the table by the door before she speaks, "we don't belong in this bunker. Under Octavia's rule or anyone else's. Madi and I were just fine; there was no one attacking us. One day around the coalition and Madi ends up in the infirmary with multiple lacerations. Nothing has changed here, at least not much as far as I can tell, different commander, same problems, but if I can keep Madi safe that's all that matters. I don’t want this to end up being Madi’s new normal. The violence that seems to follow me whenever I am around everyone." 

"It could be different this time, Clarke." I say not sure I truly believe that.

"I don't want to pin Madi's future on a maybe. I don't want her having to go through what I have. Or what the Flamekeepers could put her through for being born a Nitblida" Clarke tells me. I am again struck with the reality of Clarke becoming a mother while she was on the surface alone. 

Deciding I wouldn't win the fight about Clarke and Madi staying right now; I asked a question I had had since seeing the two of the together, "how did you and Madi meet?"

Clarke looked over at Madi's sleeping form and brushes the hair from Madi’s eyes before she answered," I'd been alone for about a year and one day I stumbled across this cave and there was Madi inside. All alone. She was eating berries and had even managed to catch a rabbit and was cooking it over a fire she had made. She had a little knife in her hand couldn't have been bigger than her palm," Clarke chuckles at the memory.

Clarke shifts in her seat and looks over at me fully, "Madi looked at me, not moving. Didn't say anything then she offered the piece of the rabbit she had skewered on her knife. She had only seen six summers at the time." 

"So, would that make her about 12, now?" I ask confirming. Remembering that grounders don’t track birthday’s like we do.

"Yea, about that old. Trikru didn't celebrate birthdays the way we do. They acknowledged when a child sees a summer, not a date." Clarke explained.

I nod having heard that a few times over the last few years, "how did you do it?" 

"Do what?" Clarke asks.

“Raise a child. Survive all alone for all these years. The deathwave.? How did you do it?" I ask. The longer I look at Clarke, my little girl, in front of me the more I don't understand how it's possible. Clarke always dealt with the impending doom well. And I know she has always cared about what happened to those around her, but to raise a child? How is it possible Clarke did all of it alone? How did she find food? Even after hearing about the panther she apparently killed when she left after Mount Weather. My baby girl, who had barely been able to cut into flesh during her first surgery when she became a medical apprentice. Somehow that same little girl managed to hunt and kill on her own for six years with no one helping her. My baby girl is a grown woman. I just wish I could understand how that happened without me being there to see it. 

"I hadn't planned to survive the Deathwave, not really," Clarke starts honestly, "there was this satellite that needed to be positioned a certain way so that the doors of the ring would open for us. I don't know. I didn't really understand everything Raven was telling me. I just went to do what she told me, because it was the only way to get the rocket off the ground." 

I stay silent not wanting to interrupt Clarke's tale, and smile at Clarke’s description of Raven’s tech talk. 

"The satellites controls was at the top of the tower instead of the one on the ground level. I had to be headed back to the lab with ten minutes to spare. We had to leave by then or we all would be stuck. I saw the controls I need were located towards the top of the tower, so I climbed the tower. I managed to get it to the right settings as the timer hit zero. I remember seeing the rocket go up and I just watched it. I looked over in the direction of Polis and I could see the Deathwave coming. It was.... massive. It was destroying everything in its path." 

"Then I got down from the tower and just ran like hell towards the lab. I didn't know how I would survive if I lived through the Deathwave, but I knew I didn't want to die like that. So, I ran. I made it inside as the Deathwave caught up to the lab. I remember puking up blood and thinking if this was it maybe I could see Lexa again…. Or Dad. Then I passed out." 

"Oh. Sweetie... I..." I start. Wishing I could do something more to ease Clarke’s pain about losing Lexa. And Jake. 

Clarke cut me off, "it's okay, Mom,” I look at her and I see that she does look better after mentioning Lexa than she did the last time I saw her. Before the pain was always so clear on her face, but now it’s just in her eyes. I guess being alone gave her time to finally grieve.

Clarke continues with her story, “when I woke I was still in the lab. I had puked up a lot of blood before passing out, but I was alive. So, I managed to gather up what was left flood wise and rationed it as best I could. I stayed in the lab for almost a month. By the end of the month I had managed to figure out how to use the half-finished radio Raven left behind. I started calling them every day. I don't know if they ever received them and after awhile I didn't really care. It was just something to keep track of the days. Kept me sane before Madi and I found each other.”

My heart is breaking for everything my little girl has gone through since we parted ways six years ago. Really since she was arrested on the Ark, almost eight years ago. My breath catches at realizing it's been eight years since Jake and all of this started. 

"Then after the first month I decided it was time to test the nightblood solution. Either way I had to leave the lab. The food was almost gone and if I didn't leave I would die, but if I left maybe I could keep living. So, I left the lab and ventured outside for the first time in a month and it was pure destruction. Then eventually I found Madi and we've been living on the only piece of land we have found not destroyed."

"Clarke, I'm so sorry." I find myself saying knowing it's not nearly enough, but not exactly sure what I was apologizing for.

"It's okay. I've made my peace with what happened. All of it. I saved my friends. I mean I saved who I could." Clarke says and her voice breaks for the first time during her tale. I hug Clarke and keep her in a tight embrace for as long as she lets me. Eventually, Clarke pulls away and wipes her eyes of the tears falling. 

“Clarke, please just stay. I can’t promise it’ll be perfect, but we’ve been apart for six years and we haven’t seen each other or talk. And I would really like to get to know Madi.” I say.

“I just don’t want the stories I told Madi to become her reality,” Clarke explains.

“Yea, Madi told us a story you tell her.”

“I heard the end of it. It’s one of her favorites.” 

“It is an intense story...” I say lamely.

“She wanted to know about the past and I didn’t know how to explain Mount Weather or Allie without scaring her with how bad it was.”

“I didn’t know you had such a talent for story-telling.” 

Clarke laughs softly, “Yea, Madi isn’t interested in medicine, so I had to find something else to keep her interested. I’m just glad Lexa had told me stories that she heard as a child it made it easier to keep up with teachings of Trikru. When Madi and I first met those were the stories she wanted to hear; it wasn’t until after a year or so that she wanted to hear about the Ark.

After I told her about the Ark and the hundred; she fell in love with the story. Her heroes have been Bellamy, Raven and Octavia since the first time I told her the story.” There is a soft knock on the infirmary door and Clarke and I look over at the door and we see Indra and Octavia behind her.

“Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Griffin, but Heda would like a word with Wanheda,” Indra says.

“I already told Octavia everything,” Clarke says keeping her voice low to not wake Madi. 

“Clarke, I need a word, it’s important,” Octavia says stepping into the infirmary.

Clarke looks over at Madi’s sleeping form and back at Octavia, “let’s make this fast,” Clarke gives Madi a kiss on her forehead and moves towards Octavia.

“Wait here, Indra,” Octavia orders. Indra gives a nod of her head to indicate she heard.

The door closes and I can see Octavia and Clarke talking, but with the door closed it is impossible to hear what is being said. I’ll give the Second Dawn credit, they really thought out making the infirmary damn near sound proof. It makes it easier when we don’t have all the supplies required for surgery. No one needs to hear someone screaming throughout a surgery. After we landed Marcus told me a lot of people got antsy when I operated on Raven. 

“Where’s Clarke?” comes a sleepy voice behind me. 

“She is talking with the Commander,” Indra answers. 

Madi sits up on the bed and looks at the door and asks excitedly, “is that Octavia?” 

“When discussing the Commander, they will be addressed as Commander or Heda, not their name, little one,” Indra says firmly, but not unkindly. After being stuck in this bunker for six years with Indra, I no longer find it odd to see her so nice to children. Indra is really quite good with them

“But Clarke calls her by her name,” Madi points out.

“Wanheda, has been away for awhile, perhaps she has forgotten the rules,” Indra says.

“I don’t think so, Clarke says the best way to discuss issues with anyone is to treat them as an equal. To never show fear,” Madi says. I chuckle it sounds a lot like the advice Clarke gave me when I first had to interact with the grounders when I became Chancellor. 

“Have you become a leader?” Indra asks.

“No,” Madi says looking at her hands.

“Then the Commander is addressed as Commander or Heda,” Indra says.

“Does that mean Clarke is a leader?” Madi asks.

“Wanheda, is the mountain slayer and will always have a place within the Coalition. She has also proved her resilience in the face of overwhelming odds.” Indra says. 

“Does this mean Clarke is gonna have be an Ambassador again?” Madi asks. I’m surprised to hear that she sounds almost disappointed.

“No, sweetie, Marcus is the Skikru ambassador,” I tell her. I privately hope I am right. Clarke doesn’t want to be here so I hope that means she doesn’t find her away back into the position of power she had before the Deathwave hit. 

“Okay. Good, because Clarke is supposed to teach me how she killed a panther. And she said we could leave in the morning. I don’t like it down here it’s always so dark; how can you tell when the sun is up.” Madi says. She no longer sounds happy to be here like she did when she was talking to Niylah earlier or when she saw Octavia. 

“There are people here who could teach you how to hunt a panther,” I say. Hoping that maybe I can get either Clarke or Madi to agree to stay longer than morning. 

“I want Clarke to teach me. I don’t like it here.” Madi responds, “it’ always so loud.”

“I thought that at first too, little one, the machines never quiet, but that does not mean that this could not be a safe place for you and Wanheda.” Indra says. 

“No, I don’t wanna stay. I don’t want to train with the Fleimkepas.” Madi says and now she sounds downright terrified, “Nomon, said they are no more than priest that come in the night to steal the Natblida so that they may do the Fleimkepa’s bidding.” 

At Madi’s words, Indra looks over her shoulder and for the first time I notice Gia outside with Clarke and Octavia. “Indra, can I have a word with you over here, please,” I ask gesturing to my desk in the corner. Hoping it will be out of earshot of Madi. When we make it to my desk I lower my voice and ask, “you and Octavia aren’t planning on ripping that girl from Clarke because she is a nightblood are you?”

Indra looks at me steadily before answering, “I have no intention of taking Madi from Clarke’s care, but you must understand our traditions demand that the Natblida   
train with the Fleimkepas. It is our way.” 

I look at her and over at Madi who is still staring out the window were Clarke and Octavia are still talking, “maybe Clarke is right, maybe nothing has changed.”

**Author's Note:**

> As always thanks for reading. Kudos and Comments are ego boosters!


End file.
